Parenting and “Selfish” Time Management

My father has always described his life before and after having kids as “BK” or “AK.” He was also always sure to make the distinction when he was describing how he and my mother would travel to Europe “BK,” or when they would ___. He’s also told me that I would “understand what that means” later in life.

He’s right.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from being a parent? Just how selfish I was with my time. I don’t mean that in a negative way to how I used to spend my free time – or how people without kids spend there time – only that your priorities and the way you see your spare time are markedly different when kids enter the picture.

For example, no longer can I come home and binge the latest series on Netflix/Amazon/Hulu/HBO/you-get-the-point-we-have-too-many. Now it’s more like: come home and make sure he’s fed, changed, and safely occupied.

The only constant? Deadifts. There are more similarities, of course, but you can see how pared down my training sessions are.

“People are frugal with their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering time they are most wasteful of the one thing in which it is right to be stingy.” – Seneca

I was recently asked “what’s been the biggest change since becoming a father?” It’s hard to narrow it down to just one, but I’d say the biggest change has been how I use my time. Specifically, I never realized how selfish I was with my time, until I was forced to see it.

Gone are the days I could spend an hour (or even 30 minutes) each day writing on this blog. Weekend or weeknight binge-watching the latest Netflix series? I’m lucky if I can make it through a 30 minute episode without falling asleep. Most days, any downtime I have is spent working, cooking, or cleaning the toy explosion that has overrun our two bedroom apartment.

On a good day, I’ll usually get to spend an hour with Lindsay (9:30 PM-10:30 PM) before I have to get to bed to wake up six hours later. That’s one of the downsides of having opposite work schedules when you’re in the fitness industry.

But for those that know me, the biggest change has been in my own training time. For context, I missed one workout over the span of 6 years. We all have our own priorities outside of our work life: spending time with friends or your spouse, playing recreational sports, cooking/cleaning, running errands, chillin’ on Instagram, etc. I don’t see anything wrong with any of those choices, and to each their own. But I know I’m a better person, father, husband, and coach when I train.

But I no longer have the 2+ hours/day to spend on my workouts that I did have a few years ago. It’s forced me to prioritize my big goals, and really take to heart the saying “only the mediocre are always at their best.”

To get a true sense as to how my programming has changed, here’s two screenshots of my training log from last month compared to January 2018.Here’s a quick image illustrating the differences in my own training.

To be fair, in January of 2018 my two biggest goals were to pass my Level 2 StrongFirst certification and pass the Beast Tamer. But now that I’ve attained both and am pressed for time? You can see the past month below:

The only constant? Deadifts.

There are more similarities, of course, but you can see how pared down my training sessions are. I’m grateful that I was able to achieve most of my serious strength goals before having any children. Now all that’s left to do is deadlift 600 lbs and win the Competition Division of the TSC.

The other effect is that it’s forced me to pare down – or even give up completely – some of my bad habits. For starters, I no longer check Instagram. If you’re someone that’s messaged me over a month ago, and I haven’t responded, now you know why.

The reason? I noticed that it was becoming a habit to simply look at my phone whenever I was “bored,” instead of being in the moment. I wasn’t prepared to tell my future self that I was too busy to spend quality time interacting with my son because I was watching other people’s lives on Instagram.

(Taking that point a step further, the inauthentic nature of social media – where everyone gets to curate their image regardless of reality – has always irritated me since the days I worked in social media marketing. OK, rant over.)

My workouts have been SERIOUSLY paired down to the essentials. To be far, there was a reason why i wanted to tick off some serious strength goals BEFORE having kids. I knew that my time would be at a premium. Before Ethan, I would routinely spend 2+ hours training in the gym, 5-6 days/week. Now? If I can get in 3 strength training days in a week – all of which are 30-45 minutes – and a day or two of cardiac output, that’s a solid week.

Was I prepared to miss time with my soon because I was watching other people’s lives on Instagram. Did it add to my quality of life? No. Do I have FOMO (fear of missing out)? No to that too.